Not dressing to impress, my girlfriend it letting is all hang out

My girlfriend has stopped
trying to impress

Dear MTN,

I have a bit of an issue with my gal that I've been dating for a year now. When we first met she looked fantastic. She was thin, wore makeup, and dressed nicely. Lately she hasn't been trying to impress me at all. I know I sound superficial, but her personality is great and if she stayed looking as fine as she looked in the beginning, I would be asking her to marry me by now. She has recently put on an extra 30 pounds and doesn't work out at the gym anymore.

How should I bring up such a delicate situation without her dumping me for being an idiot? I really enjoy your column.

Thanks for your help.

- Danny (fake name)

Dear Danny,

I understand how this situation can be frustrating for you. There are some women out there that get into great shape and go all out to meet a guy, and then once they do, they let themselves go. Ladies, this is not the way to keep a man.

This is something that you do need to bring up to her, however, in a very tactful way. Since she used to work out and now she doesn't, I think that is the first issue that should be mentioned. If you work out, then it's easy. I suggest saying that you want to go back to how things used to be and you would like to start working out together. If you don't work out, maybe you too could benefit from losing a few pounds and suggest that you feel you both need to live a healthy life and that includes working out.

Once that is addressed, then a simple comment that you used to love the way she used to wear her makeup and a simple question of why she stopped, should be okay. Hopefully she will get the hint and be the girl that she portrayed when you first met. I wish you the best of luck. Keep me posted on her response. Thanks for writing. - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

How do I woo the woman of many dreams after she rejects me repeatedly

Flowers don't always work!

Dear MTN,

I've been reading your column for years and never thought I would be writing personally, but I have a situation that I need your advice on.

I have a very successful career in the car industry and six months ago a beautiful woman come into my dealership and bought a car from me. I fell for her from the first moment I saw her. Since she bought the car from me I've been trying to get her to go out with me. Unfortunately, she keeps saying no for many different reasons. I didn't make #1 Salesperson of the year with my company by giving up, so I have been calling her every week trying to change her mind

I am 57 and I think a handsome guy. Even though I have a couple of pounds to lose, I think I am a good catch. She is 43, beautiful, smart and the woman of my dreams. I need your help in trying to have her give me a chance. I should also mention to you a recent situation that occurred and now she will not take my calls anymore. I am devastated by this and need your thoughts on what to do.

Last time I spoke to her she told me she couldn't talk because her father passed away. I wanted to give her my condolences but she was too quick on the phone and hung up. I thought it would be a good gesture if I sent flowers to the funeral home. After that I decided to go and pay my respects personally to her. I got all dressed up and drove an hour away to the funeral home just to let her know how much I care about her and would like to get to know her better. I thought she would appreciate my going out of my way to see her.

When she saw me she looked like she saw a ghost. I approached her and gave her my condolences. She abruptly told me that it was inappropriate for me to be there since she doesn't know me well. I was shocked. I thought she would at least be appreciative that I sent her flowers and went out of my way to tell her personally how much I care.

Now she won't take any of my calls. I keep remembering her words that It wasn't appropriate for me to be there and it is killing me. What is your take on the situation? Do you think she was just in mourning and didn't realize how hurtful she was to me? Thanks, No name.

Dear No name,

I realize you meant well, but boy, you don't take a hint. From what you said, if she was the smallest bit interested in you she would have given you some sort of clue in the past six months. It sounds like she has been just trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings that she is just not interested.

Just because you are a great salesperson, doesn't mean you can make someone like you. It also sounds like this woman is a little out of your league, but you think you can "get her." I think you need to give up on your dreams of you both and if it is meant to be, then she will call you.

As for your sending flowers and showing up at her father's wake, that was inappropriate of you since you do not know her well. Wakes are for family and friends to gather together to show love and support to the family. Even though you want to be in her life, you aren't.

I am trying to be as kind as possible to you, but for future reference, if it takes you six months of calling someone and the person keeps declining your offer to get together, you need to listen to that person and realize not everyone is going to like you the way you like them.

The good news is in your line of business you get to meet many women and there are more fishes in the sea.

Good luck to you!
MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Could getting married ruin our relationship after eight years or do I need to commit?

Getting close and questioning if we should marry

Dear MTN,

I've been dating a beautiful girl for eight years. Things are great between us and we seem to be very compatible. The only problem is that she would like to get married and I don't want to. I am very happy with the arrangement we have now. We see each other almost every day and have great sex. I wish she would spend the night at my house, but she says she will not do that until we get married.

My mother passed away two weeks ago and my girlfriend didn't come to the wake and funeral with me once she heard my ex wife and kids were going to be there. I told her that I really wanted her to be there for me for emotional support, but she said it wasn't her place to be there, with my ex there.

She has very odd values and morals and it's her way or no way. After the funeral was over she came over to my house and I told her how upset I was that she wasn't there for me. Her response was, that if I made an honest woman out of her, she would have been there. Then she said until we get married, any event that includes my ex wife, will not include her. I think that is very selfish of her and I broke up with her in anger.

It's been a week apart from her and no word from her. I really miss her. Even though I don't want to get married, should I give in and call her to make up? The sex was fantastic and I do love her. 

Thanks Maureen Tara.

 - T

Dear T,

I am guessing T isn't your real name, but you do have a real problem on your hands. The biggest problem isn't what you think that she wasn't there for you and that she said she won't be in the future under similar situations; it is that she wants to get married! And you don't!

After dating her for eight years, loving her, and having great sex with her, I have to ask you this very simple question...why don't you want to get married to this woman? What else are you looking for? You need to answer the question yourself and see if the real reason you don't want to get married to her is more important to you than losing her. If you are feeling this sad in only a week, she is not going to be easy to get over quickly. Most importantly, why would you want to get over this great girl. You found love. I suggest you figure out quickly how much having her love is worth to you, before someone else comes along and grabs your girl.

Good luck to you.
- MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Dealing with a partner who is addicted to perscription pain medication

My man is addicted to pain meds

Dear MTN,

I really need your help. I've been dating a great guy for a year. We have seen each other every day since we met. I just recently found out something disturbing though and I do not know how to handle it...

My boyfriend needed me to buy him something with his money so I went into his wallet to get the money that I needed. I saw a couple of prescriptions for pain medication already filled out in his name. I know he got into a car accident last year and sometimes he mentions that his back hurts, but he never said he was taking pain meds.

Do I tell him I saw the prescriptions? Or just start looking for signs of a problem?

I really do not want to lose him since things are going so well, but if he has a problem with drugs, I really want to know about it. 

Thanks for your help.

 - Sue

Dear Sue,

Since he asked you to buy something for him, I see no reason why it would be a problem that you went into his wallet. Asking him a simple question about what you saw should not be a problem, unless he does have a problem with it.

Since you obviously care a great deal for him, I would suggest letting him know right away that if he does have a problem, that you will be okay with whatever he tells you; that way you will not have to worry about him lying to you.

This is such a huge problem nowadays that if he does need help there are plenty of options for him to get help. If you are planning on being there for him if that is the case I am sure that it will be a great comfort for him. This situation might even turn out to bring you both closer. Best of luck to him.

I will say a prayer for him.

 - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Long term partner wants marriage but I want split - How do I leave an abusive relationship?

Dear MTN,

I am in a very bad relationship with a man I've been with for ten years. He wants to get married, but he is abusive and I am having a hard enough time in breaking up with him now, without any papers legally binding me to him. I know he doesn't want to change, in fact he doesn't think he is wrong. He says I make him mad and that it is my fault. I know he only wants to marry me to control me more and thinks I'll be too afraid to divorce him since I am Catholic.

I really need your help. I would like to join your service, in your new Westchester office, but I don't know how to break up with him first. Please give me any advice you can. I am 30 years old and would love to find Mr. Right, get married and one day have a child. Do you think it's possible? - Lea

Dear Lea,

Yes it is possible to be happy and in a healthy relationship! You need to take some very important steps first to get to your end goal, marriage and a child. The first step is to recognize you are in an unhealthy relationship, realize it is not your fault, and end it. You are half way there. I suggest you call the police and get a restraining order since you mentioned he has abused you.

Once you get that order of protection, you can date freely without the fear that men like that try to inflict. Yes you can come into our Westchester office and have a free, private consultation. Just call 516-444-2861 and schedule your appointment. We will do the rest!

I am very proud that you are taking the necessary steps to get out of an abusive relationship. You can and will do it. Unfortunately many woman and even men stay in these unhealthy relationships because they think they cannot leave; but they can. The key is to ask a love one or friend for help.

Once you make this decision, there is no turning back. Please remember an abusive man will do and say anything to keep you. He will tell you he will change. He will threaten you if you leave him. He will tell you that "no man will ever love you like I do." These are all lies, and unless he admits he has a problem, and goes to years of therapy, he will eventually go back to his "old ways."

Life is too short not to be in Love. If anyone is in this type of relationship, call us today and we can help you! Thank you for being brave and we look forward to helping you find a kind, successful, and loving man. - MTN

Finding a man, online or otherwise, who truly has God in his life

Finding that special religious someone

Dear MTN,

I met my boyfriend on one of the Internet sites and thought since it had an affiliation with being Catholic, that I would only meet religious guys. Well I've met five guys and none of them go to mass. 

I am so disgusted with the dating process, I want to give up. I am 35, never been married, and have a good job. Having God in my life is very important to me. Are there any guys out there that still go to mass? Or do I have to give up on that prerequisite and settle? 

Thanks for listening.

 - Tara

Dear Tara,

Yes, there are still Catholic, single guys out there that go to mass. In my program, I have over 1200 great, quality singles and when you come in for an interview you would just mention you wish to only date guys who go to mass, or who are willing to begin going back to mass with the right girl.

I can tell you first hand I have many guys who go to mass and would love to meet a girl who does the same.
I realize how and why you would think that a Catholic Internet site would or should have many guys who go to mass, but as you saw, and I have heard, that is not the case. Sometimes in fact, the least religious guys go on there simply to meet a girl who is religious in hopes that they will just be a "nice girl" and not have anything to do with a need to go to mass together. Unfortunately when you use the Internet, there is no screening process and even though you can ask for a prerequisite, it doesn't mean that it will happen. In my private, personalized service, what you ask for is what you get.

If you are commitment minded as well then I hope you will give us a call at 516-444-2861. In the free consultation, don't forget to mention how important it is to only meet guys who are religious.

Thank you for writing, and I hope to meet you soon.

- MTN

Overbearing family members causing problems in relationships - keep your nose out of our business

Interfering family getting couple down

 Dear MTN,

My girlfriend and I have a big problem with one of her family members and we really need your help. We've been dating for two years and if her brother wasn't such a huge annoyance, we would have gotten married already. We decided to bring this problem up to you, since we both enjoy your column and would like to hear your thoughts on this issue.

My girlfriend has a great family except for one brother who is gay. We are fine with that fact, but because he doesn't have a family of his own and is single, he is constantly in our business. It is to the point where he seems like he doesn't have a life of his own, and needs to know and give his opinions on everything in our lives. Everything we do he offers his opinions on and we are not asking for his advice.

My girlfriend makes the mistake of allowing her brother to try to control her. If she doesn't agree with what he thinks is right, then it becomes a huge problem. He always thinks he's right and she's wrong. I've told her many times that his constant interference is causing problems in our own lives because I want to tell him to keep out of our business, but she always takes his side since she feels bad since he doesn't have a life of his own.

Please let us know your thoughts. Don't you think I should be able to talk to him and tell him how selfish he is? Or do you think I should just try to forget it and let him continue to hurt her? Thanks for your help.

- John

Dear John,

I understand how you must feel and I think it is normal of you to want to protect your girlfriend. Since I do not know the details of the whole story, it is hard to give you exact advice.

I would suggest that the two of you just concentrate on the positive life you have with each other and stay as far away from his negative influence as possible. Remember, we can choose our friends, not our family. Many couples have to deal with an annoying family member, it is an issue I hear about quite often. In fact, there is usually one negative nelly in everyone's family, but do not allow him to come between you both. Your love for each other should be strong enough to endure this problem especially if you plan on getting married one day. Continue to give your girlfriend your love and support and you should be able to get through this together, as well as all the future bumps in the road that you will also need to face as a couple. I wish your girlfriend a speedy recovery and the best of luck to you both in the future.

 - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.