Could this one small fight mean the end of the rest of our lives?

Does this mean I'm really dumped?!!

Dear MTN,

I need your advice. I've been dating a lovely woman for a few months now. So far she seems perfect in every way. In fact, I have been thinking lately that I would like to take her as a wife. However last week we had a fight. I made a stupid mistake and went out with my buddies and stayed out to closing. The next day we were to meet her mother for the first time and with the hangover I stayed in bed all day and couldn't go.

Now I know that sounds bad Maureen, but please know that I run a business, own my own home, am 40 years old, have a nest egg in the back for my future, and since we've been dating I gave up going out with the boys like I used to do three times a week. I only went out with them since we had a funeral to go to and then we went out after. I was planning on going out for only a pint, but my buddies wouldn't let me leave since we haven't been out together for months.

I know it sounds irresponsible, but I told her I would make it up to the mother. Well, she is so mad that she said she never wants to speak to me again. I can't believe she would break up with me over one mistake.

Is there any advice you can give me to get her back.

Thanks, - Pete
Dear Pete,

Well, this is a tough one. On one hand, the first advice I think will help you find a wife in general is to realize at 40 years old, there is no excuse for getting so drunk the night before you are to meet the mother of a girl that you think is so great, and be too hung over to meet her. You are too old for that. If you are saying you are responsible enough to run a business, own a home, etc. you should also be as responsible in your relationship.

You should have been strong enough to tell your friends you had a big day the next day and only went for one pint, like you intended. By doing this to this great girl, you broke her trust in you. I can assure you no girl would be okay with her boyfriend being too hung over to meet her mom.

Having said that, in any relationship there should be forgiveness, except in the situation of cheating, and if you really are sorry for letting down both her and her mom, she should give you a "one time pass" if you play your cards right.

If you think this girl is the one, you need to realize you screwed up, and buckle up to the fact you are a 40 year old man and act like one. It will probably take a lot of work to make up for this, but if she's as great as you say, then it is worth it. Good luck! - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Can I get this commitment phobic guy to marry me?

How can I get my guy to put a ring on it!

Dear MTN,

I need your help. I've been dating my boyfriend for over ten years and we are great together. I've been told by all my friends that they can tell how compatible we are to each-other. The sex is great, the relationship is great, and we live together. The problem is that he says he has a commitment phobia and will never marry me.

I am okay with not ever having children, but I do want to be married. At the last high school reunion all my friends were married already. My next reunion is coming up and I don't want to deal with all the questions from my friends of why aren't we married yet? I don't want anyone to know he is a commitment phob.

Is there anything I can do to change a commitment phobic guy into marrying me? Please Help! - anonymous.
Dear anonymous,

No! You cannot change a commitment phobic person. You can only find out what exactly they are afraid of and prove to them, if possible that whatever they are afraid of will not happen. If you are both happy after ten years of dating and living together, I do think it's possible to reassure him your relationship is solid enough to endure the test of time of "marriage."

However, just realize if you are going to have this conversation with him, know that he isn't going to just change his mind because you have a reunion coming up and don't want to admit to your friends that you aren't married yet. He will say that to you and he is right.

My advice is that if you are really wanting to get married at this point in your life with this guy, make sure it is for the right reasons; not because of what other people think.

Best of luck to you and keep me posted. - MTN


PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

The double trouble of dating a twin when her sister is hotter than her

The Olsen twins - dating a twin means double trouble for our "Joe"

Dear MTN,

I bet you never heard a problem like mine before. I read your column every week and I think it's great. I have never seen a problem like what I'm going through, so I thought I would give you a try to see if you can help. I'll call myself Joe...

I met this beautiful girl over a month ago. She is very pretty and the sex is great. No one is perfect, but there are some things that I wish I could change about her, but nothing major. In fact, I think I might just be acting too picky.

She told me she is a twin. Since we met I kept saying that I really wanted to meet her sister. I've never dated a twin before. I sensed that she was avoiding it until last weekend when it was their birthdays, so since I was invited to the party, I got to meet her.

Her twin looks exactly like her. I know there are identical twins and I've met many of them, but usually they aren't exact. Her and her sister are exactly like each other. I think it's really cool.

Well the problem is this: since the party was at my girlfriend's apartment, she was busy doing most of the work, which left me to be alone a lot. I approached the twin and we ended up talking the entire night together.

The twin is not only more outgoing than her sister, but made my laugh, has a great job, owns her own house and has something special that I can't even explain. I hate to say this, but If I would have met them both, I would have chosen the twin.

What the fxxx do I do now? I can't stop thinking of the twin and how much more compatible we are than my girlfriend.

Although I didn't hit on her, I did pick up on some flirting on her part, and I feel like I want to take the chance of seeing how she feels about us dating. I told you, this is crazy, but I can't help myself. Let me know what you think. Thanks, - Joe

Dear Joe,

Wow, you got yourself a big dilemma on your hands. If you tell the twin how you feel you run a very high risk that she will pick the loyalty of her sister over you, and then you'll lose both of them. If you tell your girlfriend you prefer her sister, she will hate you and that will ruin all future family gatherings.

I suggest you wait a week. Go out with your girlfriend as much as possible and give it a real chance. Remember no one is perfect as you know and the twin might have been just being polite or putting on her best "face" and not really as good as she presented herself to be. You don't want to risk losing your girlfriend for a dream that will never come true.

After a week if you do not think you can be truly happy with your girlfriend, then I suggest you break up with her and just tell her the truth that you do not think you both are compatible enough for each other. Tell her all the reasons why you are not compatible. She might, unlikely, but might say that her sister has all those traits that you are looking for and that she is more compatible to you...Then you also took the high road and broke up with her first before doing anything stupid like cheating or hitting on the sister.

Hopefully if she brings up her sister, you have it made! If she doesn't, do not bring up how compatible you are to her twin that day. You will ruin everything.

After some time, maybe a month, try to meet up with the twin somewhere where you think she might be (without stalking her obviously) and if fate is on your side, ask her out. If it is meant to be, it will be.

As long as you handle this the right way and take the high road, I hope it works out for you. Please keep me posted. - MTN


PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Partners using sites that promote infidelity and learning to trust again

Moving past online cheating

Dear MTN,

Hi. I am hoping you can help me solve a very difficult problem...

About 6 weeks ago, I asked my boyfriend if I could look through his phone. I came across some messages on a GMail account between him and some girls, whom he had "met" on Ashley Madison, a site which promotes infidelity.  I was crushed!

That day, he promised me that he made a mistake, but that it would never happen again. He told me that he felt terrible for failing me as well as my two young daughters, that he was disgusted by his own behavior and he would never do it again.

Last week, I just had an inkling and asked him to go through his phone again...Again, I found the same kind of conversations... This time, it was a bit worse though, as he had actually made plans with one of these women to meet. He had to go about 400 km from home for a work interview and had arranged to meet this woman while away. She e-mailed him, saying she wouldn't be able to make it and thus they didn't meet.

The problem is that I truly love him. I don't just want to leave him! This time, when I confronted him, he immediately fessed up and apologized. He also said that he feels he has a problem (an addiction one could say) to these kind of affairs. He gave me all the passwords to his computers, e-mail addresses (he has several, for work, social, study etc) as well as tracking to his phone and access to his bank records. It has only been a week since, but it honestly seems like he wants to make this work...

My question is how do I trust him again? What steps can we take to ensure that it doesn't happen again? He said he'd see a therapist if that would make me feel more secure.

I really want to trust him. He is the guy I was planning on growing old with...

Please help!

Lonely Nici

Dear Nici,

I can tell that you love this guy and I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, however, in my experience with men that have cheated before is that men do not change. Once a cheater, always a cheater is a phrase that comes to mind.

I would strongly recommend that you dump him and find a man without an addiction to cheating. I am not trying to brag about my service, but I can assure you that men that join my service pay to find a lovely woman that they too can grow old with. In my service, with 1200 of the very best single people in New York, no one would use my service and be a "cheater."

If you absolutely are not strong enough to dump him as I suggest, then I strongly recommend that you both go to therapy together and see what the therapist tells you. If you hear from a trained therapist that your future is going to be a roller coaster of cheating, betrayal, and unhappiness, then that will probably give you the strength to move on to a man that doesn't have such an addiction. In my opinion, your boyfriend should be in therapy on his own working on this problem and not in any committed relationship until he is cured. This is not fair to you. Lastly if you both go to therapy and the therapist thinks that he can change, that will put you at ease. Just know that even that news will still be a long, difficult road ahead for you.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted as to what you decide to do and check in with me in about six months. Thanks for writing. - MTN