Wait for the proposal - after seven years shouldn't he have put a ring on it?!

Dear MTN,

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years and everything is great except whenever I bring up marriage he gets weird to the point that I do not bring it up anymore. How long is too long to wait for a proposal? My parents love him and I love his parents. The only thing I can think might be holding him back is that I'm Catholic and he is not religious at all. He knows I want a church wedding, and I know he doesn't want a mass. He would need to take some classes in order for us to have a mass in a Catholic church. My three sisters all got married in the church with a mass, so it is really important to my family.

Do you think this is the problem, or do you think there is something else wrong that he does not want to marry me?

 - Traci

Dear Traci,

I would have no way of knowing if there is anything else preventing him from proposing to you, however I am sure that this is a huge problem for him. If he is not religious at all, for him to have to take the necessary classes in order to get married in the Catholic church with a mass, is a huge undertaking. If he does this for you, boy he really loves you...However, please keep in mind that even if he does do this for you, he is probably feeling like he'll be a liar if he sits through the classes. You really are asking a lot of him.

I can understand completely you wanting this type of wedding, being a Catholic myself, however, did you really take the time to decide if he is the right man for you? If you are very religious and he is not, that is a major conflict with compatibility. That could cause many problems later in your marriage.

I think you should ask him if he really is up to taking on the responsibility of taking these classes. Then I think you should ask yourself just how important it is for you to have everything you have dreamed of for your wedding. One of you has to give in for this marriage to take place. I bet he is in no rush to bring this subject up to you, and that is why he hasn't proposed yet.

You need to discuss this with him and decide together if it is meant to be. Only you two can decide that. Best of luck to you. Please let me know what happens.

 - MTN

Arguing over where we should spent Christmas - with her family or mine?

Where to spend Christmas my family's house or hers?

Dear MTN,

Every single year around the holidays my girlfriend and I argue about how to split our time between our families. I feel because I am the guy that I always get the short end of the stick. I would not mind going to my girlfriend’s parent's house if they were more welcoming to me. My girlfriend does not seem to understand that I work very hard all year and on the holidays I would like to be surrounded by loved ones instead of awkwardly ignored by her family.

Her mother is very headstrong and controlling so I know my girlfriend would never stand up to her about me needing to see my family as well or about the way they treat me.

My girlfriend thinks since we go to my mother's house on Christmas Eve that I should be happy. But the rest of my family goes to my mother's house on Christmas and they go to their in-laws on Christmas Eve.

What should I do? The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, not stress. For once, I would like to do what I want to do for the holidays. She also wants to get married. I'm not sure if I want to marry her because then I feel like I'll never get to see my family for Christmas.

Please advise.

 - Charlie

Dear Charlie,

I can see how difficult this must be for you, especially since the rest of your family all get together at Christmas. I typically say in general that the man should give in at Christmas and spend Christmas with the woman's family, especially if the woman's family hosts a big event. However your case is different since they are not welcoming towards you.

You need to tell your girlfriend how their behavior makes you feel. The holidays should be a happy time spent together with family. That is not the case for you. She needs to be more understanding about your feelings.

Since your family has a big event on Christmas I suggest you alternate each year, spending Christmas Eve at her family's house, and Christmas at your mother's house. By switching it up every year it will be fair for both of you, and hopefully after your girlfriend knows how you feel, her family will be friendlier towards you.

Merry Christmas!

 - MTN

Matchmakers are timeless - in a modern world there’s still space for giving love a helping hand

Maureen Tara Nelson

In an ever changing world, one trend that has not gone out of style is matchmaking.  For centuries cultures around the world have used matchmakers as a way to connect with a potential partner, because what could be more important than choosing the right person to spend your life with? 

After 12 years of experience in this field I know it is not an easy undertaking, nor one that should be entered into lightly.  With technology advancing daily, the increased divorce rate as well as the fairly modern idea of “romantic love” being one’s right, the need for a matchmaker has never been greater.

Arranged marriages are still a part of many eastern cultures, as they were historically. However, today a majority of the world has embraced the Christian medieval ideas of “romantic love” and considers the idea of not choosing one’s own partner archaic. 

When marriages were still predominantly arranged the matchmaker was used as a type of go between because the matchmaker knew more people and therefore was able to cast a wider net.  In the past the job of the matchmaker, aside from finding a partner, was to check the ethnic background and compatibility of both parties to make sure the match was both successful and appropriate. 

I understand my own grandmother did this in Ireland, in Knock, Co. Mayo. Is it a coincidence that my grandmother did this just to find suitable mates for her Irish friends and I later became a matchmaker? Or is it in my genes? I think it is in my genes.

Today the matchmaker’s job is far deeper than simply checking religion and upbringing, although for many these are still important factors.  The matchmaker must really come to know and understand their clients.

Every intricacy and every small, perhaps seemingly irrelevant nuance of the person they are finding love for.  Even knowing someone and understanding them is still such a small percentage of ensuring a successful match.  Matchmakers must realize and anticipate the needs and desires of people.

When marriages were arranged attraction and chemistry were not factors as they are in modern times, which is why intuition is key.

Although with the current burst of technology it is easier to cast a wider net on your own, that does not mean you should seek a partner on your own without guidance.  With well over 1,000 dating sites active it has never been easier to connect with others. However, it in no way means the people you are connecting with are right for you or even available. 

I say with great sadness that every day I hear the same stories from online dating.  There are misrepresentations after misrepresentations online.

Either the person is married, has a partner, is only interested in having sexual partners, is not the profession listed, is lying about his/her age, or in some cases a criminal preying on those in a vulnerable state. 

Technology has brought great ease to our lives in many regards, but it has de-personalized love and dating to the point where some are forgetting how to communicate when they are not in front of a computer or phones distance apart. 

Matchmakers know you personally, and they care who you are.  They empathize with you.  They coach you. They make sure you can go into a date with a stranger with the assurance of safety and availability. 

The Internet can not accomplish any of this because it does not have the feelings and wisdom of a matchmaker.  The Internet may always be a choice for some singles, but it could never be as safe and accurate in finding your partner as a matchmaker will be.

Even when choosing a matchmaker there are many differences you will find in them.  Most matchmakers make the entire decision of the potential match for the client. We do not.

We at Maureen Tara Matchmaking believe chemistry is equally as important as compatibility, and we let our clients decide if the chemistry is there first before meeting, by showing photos.

All of my 1,200 clients appreciate the fact that by showing photos, there is no blind dating in our program. I am proud to say I have over 1,000 success stories with the old fashioned type of matchmaking that I have developed in my program.

In today’s world matchmaking is no longer viewed as a vehicle for people who cannot find someone themselves; in fact it’s quite the opposite.

For successful, busy, selective singles looking for marriage, using a matchmaker gives them the opportunity to find someone who is at the same level of quality as themselves. It has now become as equivalent as hiring an accountant to do your taxes, or an attorney to handle your legal matters rather
than doing it yourself.

I believe that there is a right person for everyone.  The exact phrase I use is, “There is a lid for every pot.” It is my job to find the proper lid that fits for my clients.

Lastly, I believe that although the roles of a matchmaker may evolve and change shape within society, the core values of a matchmaker which are love, family, and happiness are time transcendent. 

I am one of those who is fortunate enough to see these connections being made every day all the while hoping that perhaps I have filled my couple’s lives with happiness as they have mine. 

With the holidays upon us and a bright new year fast approaching, now is the perfect time to find love. I am proud to have been named “The Irish American Matchmaker” and would love to help all the singles out there who are looking for a committed relationship or marriage.

I pride myself on finding love easy for my clients, by meeting with all of them personally and matching them personally, along with having a fabulous, caring staff that are also proud to be Irish.

We do all the work for our clients. You sit back and enjoy the dating process, as it was years ago for our ancestors.

For more information, check out our website at mtnmatchmaking.com. If you are interested in hearing more about this process and wish to make your complimentary appointment call 516-444-2861, or 1-888-31-match(62824). We have offices in Manhattan and Long Island.  Mention this article and receive a fantastic holiday discount.

A jaded romantic seeks a way to be more optimistic and open about love

Trying not to be a grump.

Dear MTN,

I need some advice on how to be more optimistic in regards to love and relationships because to be honest I have become a bit jaded. Maybe I am too picky but after dating for a decade I have only met a handful of men I would ever even consider dating. Usually I have an initial interest but then after spending any kind of significant time with the person I end up not interested at all.

I have been in long term relationships but during these relationships I have always strayed to have an exciting two weeks with someone that caught my eye on a whim. However, any interest I had was short lived, and any feelings were fleeting. I know I can not essentially just keep jumping from rock to rock every time someone sparks my interest but I want to know if there will ever be someone that can keep my attention. I am just about ready to give up on the idea that there can be a lasting love.

- Dani

Dear Dani,

Dani, the key to a loving, long lasting relationship is for a couple to have both compatibility and chemistry. So far in your love life, you have just been seeking a relationship based upon chemistry. If you have chemistry without the compatibility part, the chemistry will dwindle, which has been happening to you.

So how do you find a man who is compatible to you? I admit, it is very hard. With so many different personality types out there, it is very difficult to find someone who has the same interests as you do, once the initial barriers come down and your true personalities come out. That process usually takes about six months and then unfortunately you realize you were never really compatible in the first place. Typically what kept you together for that time was simply chemistry.

I am proud to say that at Maureen Tara Nelson Private Matchmaking, our expertise is in matching couples up that are in fact compatible to each other, so you don't have to waste the initial six months period of hoping if you are compatible. Since I match all my 1200 clients up personally, I know right away who is compatible to you. Then I give the fun part, which is to have chemistry, to you. You get to see the photos of your match, and then tell me yes or no to meeting them.

Therefore, my usual advice is to try dating on your own for a full six months to see if you can find both compatibility and chemistry by yourself, but if it takes longer than that, let me do the work. I love what I do, and so does my entire staff. If you’re interested Dani, since you have already tried way longer than six months, I suggest you come in for your free consultation and you will meet with me personally. Call
516-444-2861 and mention this question, and you will receive a discount. I hope to see you soon!

- MTN


PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com

The spark is gone - from passionate love affair to comfortable friendship

What do you do when that spark of passion dies

Dear MTN,

I have been happily married for the past ten years but recently I have noticed that our marriage has turned into more of a friendship then the romantic relationship it used to be. We never argue but we also never have sex.

I apologize for being so crass but I was unsure of another way to phrase it. In the beginning like most couples the physical part of our relationship was pretty constant. However, in the past year the frequency has dwindled to practically never.

My friends have asked if I think he is having an affair and to be honest there are no other indications that he might be, other than this one issue. Does the physical part of a relationship just cease to exist with time? Should I be concerned that he might be having an affair? And how do I bring up the subject without offending him if he does not even realize there is something wrong?

Thanks for your help. You answered a question for a friend of mine last month and I was so glad that you told her the same advice I've been giving her for years. We are both on the same page. I agree with all the advice you give your readers. I hope you can help me too. 

Thanks, 

Susan

Read more on Irish dating here

Dear Susan,

I think what you are experiencing is what they call the "seven year itch." It does not have to happen at exactly the seven year mark, but most couples go through something similar. It is not something to worry about unless there are other signs.

I would not be worried about insulting your husband as he is probably thinking the same thing but may be afraid to bring it up to you. There is nothing wrong with making the first move or having open communication about the subject. Your husband will probably be relieved and happy that you are looking to enhance your relationship.

I suggest you take the necessary steps to enhance the romance in your relationship, such as splurging for a sexy negligee and set the scene for a romantic night alone. Light some candles, draw a bubble bath, open a bottle of wine, and tell your husband all the things that are wonderful about him.

Try doing this on a weekly basis.

Hopefully this helps.

I wish you the best of luck, Please let me know if this works.

MTN



PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Help me to open up in my new relationship -- I want to show him I love him

How do I show I love him?

Dear MTN,

I need some help opening up. I have always been what I consider a private person, especially when it comes to my feelings, so much so that it has caused problems in my past relationships. 

I am in what I consider a fairly new relationship. It has been six months and my boyfriend has told me he loves me. The problem is not that I do not feel the same way but that I have a hard time saying it. And an even bigger problem is that I am noticeably uncomfortable saying it and that makes my boyfriend wonder if I am sincere.

I feel that what he refuses to understand is that we had very different upbringings and outward displays of emotion were not common in my family. It also frustrates me that he says it so often as a way to test me even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable.

I feel that he should just know that I love him because if I did not I would not be with him. Is there a way to become more comfortable with things of this nature?

And if there is not, is there a way to talk with my boyfriend in a way that will not hurt him?

I do not want to lose him but If he keeps pushing it on me I fear I could become resentful. 

HELP! 

- Casey

Dear Casey,

I can understand how your upbringing can make it difficult for you to open up to your boyfriend, but in this case I think if you do love him you need to realize that he cannot read your mind. You are not giving him enough of a chance in this relationship. You need to have a "heart to heart" with him and explain to him exactly what you have told me.

I am sure if he knows your feelings and understands how you deal with them, it will be easier for him to be able to communicate with you. Both of you need to learn how to communicate with each other. As long as you can do that, you should be able to deal with any situation that comes up.

Best of luck to you.
Thank you for writing.
 - MTN

The first date - getting over the jitters, feeling great and learning to relax

How do I get over first date jitters?

Dear MTN,

I need a few tips on relaxing before a first date. I get so nervous before a first date that I always make sure I get to the restaurant early to have a few drinks first. After the date is over I feel it went well but the guy never calls. This has been going on for years. I really want to meet someone and get married, so I am at a desperation point that it has to work soon, or I will never get married and be able to have kids. I am 38 already.

Do you think the guys are not calling me for a second date because of my drinking? I am not getting drunk, but almost every guy has mentioned that it was strange that I am always there at the bar and already have a drink in front of me when they come in... Or, am I doing something else wrong? If it is the drinking, how do you suggest I relax?

Best regards,
Jamie

Dear Jamie,

Well I can tell you with utmost certainty that when a man walks into a date and sees the woman already drinking at the bar, it is not a pretty picture. I suggest you wait in the doorway until he arrives and then most likely you should sit together in a private sitting area rather than at the bar.

As for how to relax before a date, here are a few tips:

-before the date, prepare what your going to wear, and make sure you look and feel great wearing it. You should always have one great date outfit.

-take an extra 15 minutes on your hair and makeup. Looking great will also give you a natural sense of confidence.

-think of a couple of easy, fun questions to ask your date and practice in the mirror asking the questions.

-instead of relying on alcohol, practice taking deep breaths once you get there. If you feel anxious or nervous, make a quick trip into the ladies room and practice your breathing until your start feeling relaxed.

-when you do have drinks on your date, always limit it to two. Drinking too much especially on a first date will almost never get you a second one.

-enjoy yourself and realize how much better it is to go out and meet someone new, rather than staying home alone, which will never get you married.

Lastly, I suggest you also stop putting pressure on yourself about your need to get married and have children. This is a very important decision in your life and something that cannot be rushed. It is also a red flag for any man who can sense this feeling of urgency on a woman, and is a huge turn off. My philosophy is always this: when you are looking and ready for a committed relationship and/or marriage, give yourself only six months of trying this on your own. If it takes more than six months, then it's time to hire a professional. Best of luck on your dating future.

- MTN

Maureen Tara Nelson is proud to be called The Irish American Matchmaker.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Irritated by my fiance - the way she treats her dog and how she's clinging to her painful past

Dear MTN,

I am engaged to a beautiful, smart, and funny woman. However, since the engagement I have been bothered by things that I did not realize before. I cannot stand the way she treats her dog like it is a child. Her dog has to sleep in the bed with us.

Also we can’t come to an agreement about where we will live. I want our own place in order to start our life together  fresh. She wants me to move into her childhood house where she now lives and also where there are still a lot of painful memories for her. I cannot understand why she wants to continue to live there when all she has ever told me is how awful it was being there. The more I think about these issues the more I am thinking it is not going to work.

Do you think there is any hope for my relationship? She is a wonderful person, but she may not be right for me. 

- Jim

Dear Jim,

Of course there is hope. My belief is as long as there is no cheating in a relationship, anything broken, can be fixed.

This sounds to me like it can certainly be fixed. The issue of the dog is a minor one. There has to be compromise in any relationship. It sounds like you have already one foot out the door before even trying to fix these issues. I hope that is not the case.

Nowadays too many people look for the easy answer to any relationship problems, which is just to quit. Our parents and grandparents didn't run. They fixed what was broken. I think we can all benefit from learning how our ancestors handled and fixed their problems. They talked it out. I am sure if your fiance knows how much the dog sleeping in your bed is bothering you, she will make certain adjustments to make you happy. Come up with some ideas for her that would be a compromise for both of you.

As for the more important issue of where to live...This is something that you both need to sit down and talk about.  Mention to her how important it is to you to begin a fresh, healthy new life together. Does she have children that she wants to remain in school before moving? In that case, you can buy a new home once the children are done with high school. If not, then you have more leverage in your favor. I think you should show her some pictures of homes that you have looked at and maybe that will entice her to be excited about this change. I am assuming that her hesitance in moving is just emotional ties. If you talk with her about his and work with her I am sure she will come around. Best of  luck in this situation.

Please keep me posted.
- MTN

How do I ask my girlfriend about her past experiences without being insulting?

How to broach the question without calling her a slut!

Dear MTN,

Recently I began dating a woman and I am concerned that she has far more experience than I do.

Although I am not judgmental the number of previous partners is somewhat important to me. How do I go about asking her to go into more detail about her past without being insulting?

I really like this woman but I am intimidated by her past. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? And should someone's history even be a factor in a relationship that is going well?

Best regards,
Will

Dear Will,

Do you really want to know this information? I think if you take a moment to think about it you probably won't want to know how many lovers your girlfriend has had. I do not think her history should be a factor in your relationship as long as you really like her.

It sounds like you're a little insecure with your own past with women. Again, that should not be a factor for your girlfriend as well.

As long as you are happy my best advice is to view this relationship as the being the first for both of you. Instead of looking in the past start fresh with this relationship and only look forward. Best of luck to you. I hope she's "the one."

- MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com

Feeling suffocated by monogamy - settling down and being "a couple" is a battle

Struggling with being "a couple"

Dear MTN,

I am 24 years old and I really need your advice. I can't ask my mother about this so I really hope you can help me. For quite some time now I have been struggling with the idea of monogamy. I have been seeing someone for over four years but I do not want to put a title on it. I know myself and if we become "a couple" I know I will feel suffocated like I felt with my last relationship and want to see if someone better is out there for me. 

I know he is not seeing anyone else and wants to get married and have children, but there is still a part of me that needs freedom. I do want to have children and a family and I would never want to bring them up in a household with an open marriage, but I find it near impossible to get everything I need from just one person. 

When I was 21 years old I had three guys I was seeing and it was the greatest time in my life. I feel like I'm constantly battling what I have been told is right (marriage, monogamy, and children) vs. the need to meet and be excited by more than one person. Is this a phase I will grow out of? Will I eventually get to a point where one man is enough? Thanks, signed - slutty mcslut slut

Dear slutty mcslut slut,

I suggest you stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You are only 25 years old and still very young. There is no reason to rush into a serious relationship with only one person now, unless you are deeply in love - which you clearly are not.

I can remember being away at college and having three boyfriends at the same time and it was the greatest time in my life as well. However, I kept the relationships light and fun and most importantly, didn't sleep with them. When you add sex into a relationship, it usually changes into a casual thing into a relationship. 

It sounds like you have a relationship with your boyfriend and if he was the right one for you, you wouldn't feel the need to see what else is out there. It sounds to me that you shouldn't be in this relationship and should just be dating around until you find someone that you would want to be monogamous with. 

I think when you find that right guy, you won't be worrying about the things you are worrying about now. My advice is to start looking for that right guy, especially before you start thinking of marriage and having kids with the wrong person. Good luck and I hope in time that you find Mr. Right. - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Help me - I love sex, had an affair and now I want my highschool sweetheart back

Dear MTN,

I have a huge problem with my girlfriend of five years. We are high school sweethearts and I know she's the one I want to marry one day. She has been talking about getting married for the past year almost every day despite the fact that I told her I need to finish college and get my career set first. We have been living together for the past three years and I think it's the perfect situation. I have loved her from the first time we had sex in high school. We have a lot of the same interests and I have lots of chemistry with her. She believes like me that when you love each other, you should have sex every day. In the past five years we have had sex almost every day, except beginning a month ago.

Last month she got hurt and had to be laid up. Since I work and go to school I obviously couldn't take care of her so she stayed at her mother's house. I tried to come over as much as I could, but it was really hard with my busy schedule. I really missed having sex with her every day. Many times I had to do it myself since I couldn't make it over to her mom’s house, but I always thought of her while pleasing myself.

She has another month of resting before she can move back in. Every night that I can't come over she now gives me a hard time and has been breaking my balls about not seeing her. She has been really driving me nuts to the point where I had to look elsewhere for sex. There's a girl in my school and we've always kind of flirted with each other. Once my girlfriend started pushing me hard I stepped it up with this girl. I found out she enjoys having sex as much as I do. She told me she hasn't had sex since her last boyfriend a year ago. She was definitely hinting to have sex with me. I never mentioned to this girl that I have a girlfriend.

We ended up having sex only four times and it was great. Even though I love my girlfriend it was such a high to be with someone else. Well last week after seeing the girl I was on my way home and my girlfriend called and demanded I come over to talk. I told her I was really exhausted but she didn't care. I got there and all she kept saying was that she feels I don't love her anymore since the past two weeks I've been going over there less than usual. I ended up falling asleep in her bed and the girl from school texted me that I forgot my book at her house and how great the sex we had was. She woke me up hysterical and told me to leave. That was last week and she won't talk to me and I'm not allowed over her mom's house to see her.

I am really sorry for what I did and realize how stupid it was. I told the girl in school and she now hates me too because I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend. I don't know what to do. I miss my girlfriend and want her back but she won't give me a chance to explain my side of why I did what I did. Is there any advice you can give me to get my girlfriend back?

 Thanks, - Joey

Dear Joey,

You got yourself into quite a mess. Since you realize it was stupid cheating on your girlfriend and realize you made a mistake, there might be a sliver of hope for you. Since you already know you were wrong I won't give you a lecture on what a jerk you were to your girlfriend. I have no way of knowing if your girlfriend will ever take you back or ever trust you again. Only time will tell. That's why when you're in a relationship, you don't cheat, because if you do, you will most likely lose the person when they find out. And they always find out.

My advice is that you prove to her every day how much you miss her and beg her to give you another chance. I suggest sending flowers every week, and calling every day and leaving messages for her that you want to talk and tell her how sorry you are. She might not ever forgive you but if she sees how hard you are trying she might be willing to hear what you have to say. If you get that chance don't make excuses. Admit you were wrong and assure her you won't ever make such a stupid mistake again. When you love someone you should love them not only when things are great but more importantly when things go wrong. You messed up big time kid. Good luck to you. Keep me posted on what happens. - MTN

Maureen Tara Nelson is a private matchmaker for over 12 years with over 1000 success stories. She has won Best Matchmaker for the year for over four years in a row. Voting has already begun for the 2013 winner.

If you would like to vote for Maureen Tara Nelson Private Matchmaking, go to the website http://bestof.longislandpress.com/voting/ and click on voting, then click on services, then dating services, and you will see Maureen Tara Nelson. If you email her that you voted, she will thank everyone personally.

She also won Top Matchmaker in NYC in Newsweek magazine. She has appeared on numerous television programs, has been written up in many magazine articles, heard on many radio programs and appeared off Broadway.

She offers everyone a free consultation in either her Long Island or Manhattan office. For more information, please call 516-444-2861. Mention this article and receive a Fall discount. You can check out her website at mtnmatchmaking.com and also check her out on Facebook and Twitter!

Maureen Tara Nelson is proud to be called The Irish American Matchmaker.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

I’ve lost weight, how can I get my boyfriend to acknowledge my achievements and pay me some attention?

How do I get my boyfriend to notice me?

Dear MTN,

I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and during that time we both put on a substantial amount of weight.  Recently I have been working out, dieting, and getting healthy, however my boyfriend has not and shows no interest in doing the same. He does not even compliment me on my recent weight loss or seem to notice!

I understand that after five years he is comfortable with me and the relationship and may not feel the need to make the type of change I am but I am worried that all these years I may have mistaken comfort for love.  I also find myself wanting to see what else is out there.  I feel like if I end things with him now that I have lost weight and started receiving attention from other men that everyone will see me as shallow but it is my feeling that he is really no longer happy with the relationship either.  I feel like he may be comfortable as well, because if he were still in love with me wouldn't he want to take a healthy step forward with me or at least recognize my accomplishment? 

Please help me I am very confused.

HELP! - Jordan

Dear Jordan,

That is great news about yourself.  I know how you would love if your boyfriend would be proud of you and tell you that he is, but since he isn't, I think you need to assume that he is jealous.  You both fell in love with each other when you were heavy.  Now you are thin, and he is still heavy.  I would suggest asking yourself if you are still in love with your "heavy" boyfriend?

If you aren't then you need to be honest with him.  Hopefully he will see all the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle and will be motivated to lose weight for himself, not for you.

Also remember if you leave him for another guy and then one day you put weight back on, how would you feel if that guy dumps you because you gained weight?  If you love someone, you love them for who they are, not for how much they weigh.  Good luck to you.  - MTN

When should I tell the woman I’m dating that I suffer from bipolar disorder?

When is the right time to break the news?

Dear MTN,

I have read your column for a long time and always admire the advice you give your readers. I am a 32 year old male that has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I have been on medication for the illness since I was a teenager and my symptoms are well controlled. I would like to begin dating but I do not know when the right time to tell a woman about my condition would be. Do I tell her on the first date? 

Do I tell her after a month? Do I wait until we are in a committed relationship? I do not want to hide my condition but I also know the social stigma related to bi-polar disorder. I am concerned that if I tell the women I date right away I will be automatically dismissed however I would not want them to feel deceived finding out later on in the relationship. How do you suggest I approach such a sensitive subject?  

Thanks for your help.  
– Nick

Dear Nick,
The situation you are in is a difficult one.

I would not tell a woman on a first date or even a second date. I would only sit down with her and explain your situation if you knew that this was a relationship you would want to pursue long term.

At some point the two of you will become closer and closer and it will feel comfortable for you to be open. Since it is a delicate subject that can at times be misunderstood be prepared to explain exactly what bi-polar disorder is, and how it is being treated.

Only you know the extent of your condition and how it is being managed so even when you are assuring her it is under control be honest and forthcoming in regards to any issues it might cause the relationship.

The right woman will understand and love you for you. 

Good Luck!
- MTN

My boyfriend could be a criminal - should we split up?

He may have a criminal past - should I trust him and move on?

Dear MTN,

I really need your help as soon as possible. I started dating this great guy over a month ago. He is everything I have ever dreamed of. Last night he told me he loved me and said we shouldn't have any secrets from each other. He told me he just got out of jail six months ago and he was accused of raping a girl. He promised me he didn't do it. He said he was framed and the police didn't investigate properly and he couldn't afford a good lawyer. He also said he could have agreed to settle but that would mean he was admitted to wrong doing. He went to trial because he was innocent, but the jury convicted him, since his lawyer was terrible.

He begged me to stay with him. I am 39 and really would like to get married and have children. He's 47 and says he wants the same thing. He is a contractor and his company even took him back because they always believed he was innocent. I really think he is being sincere. However, if my family ever knew this about him, they would kill me. I also asked him for the details, but he said that was in his past and he never wants to look back. He said I need to respect that if we are going to stay together.

I trust your advice and really need it now. Do you think I should continue dating him. I also think I love him. I believe him. Do you think I am being a fool? Please let me know what you think about this.

Thanks. - Trisha

Dear Trisha,

I would love to know how you met this guy. I am guessing it was at a bar, or on the Internet. With both cases, there are no criminal background checks. Only you know if you can live or even date a guy who was convicted of rape. Remember, you only have been dating a month. A month is a short time for a guy to know if he is in love with you. It also sounds like he has an answer for everything. And why won't he share the details with you and explain the entire situation to make you feel more comfortable about dating him?

It's probably because he doesn't care.

Ask yourself if you would rather date and marry a guy without a criminal record. If the answer is yes than I suggest you make an appointment with my service. Everyone goes through a criminal, felony background check. Therefore, you will never have to worry about the guys in my service. We have 1200 of the greatest singles in New York. Call 516-444-2861 for a complimentary appointment with me personally and please mention that you wrote in to me. We will take great care of you so you don't have to settle. I have a feeling you are just settling with this guy because you want to get married. Good luck and let me know what you decide to do. - MTN

Maureen Tara Nelson is a private matchmaker for over 12 years with over 1000 success stories. She has won Best Matchmaker for the year for over four years in a row. She has appeared on numerous television programs, has been written up in many magazine articles and heard on many radio programs as well. She offers everyone a free consultation in either her Long Island or Manhattan office. For more information, please call 516-444-2861. Mention this article and receive a Fall discount.

Tough questions - is it okay for a woman to ask a hot guy out?

Should girls ask boys  out?

Hi Matchmaker,

I read your column every week and I was wondering if you could help me. I have been interested in a guy for quite some time now and he appears to be interested as well but has not asked me out yet. 

Is it okay for the woman to make the first move or should I wait for him to ask me?

 I know you have said in the past it is important to let the man be the man but how long should I wait? And if he is not asking is he even really interested? Please help. I am clueless!

 Thanks - Samantha

Dear Samantha,

A lot of women ask me this same question, and the answer is simple. If a man is interested in you he will ask you out. I understand it can be confusing because the two of you are texting, talking and flirting, but always let him make the first move.

I suggest the next time you talk to him to casually mention the subject of getting together and then see what he says. You should not be doing all of the work. You also should not be wasting your time talking with a guy if all he wants out of this is a friend to talk to on the phone...

After he responds, if he doesn't bring up getting together I would tell him straight out that you are really too busy to keep up the phone calls. That might be enough to light a fire under him and plan a date with you. Hopefully it does. Feel free to write me after his response. Good luck. - MTN

Maureen Tara Nelson is a private matchmaker for over 12 years with over 1000 success stories. She has won Best Matchmaker for the year for over four years in a row. She has appeared on numerous television programs, has been written up in many magazine articles and heard on many radio programs as well. She offers everyone a free consultation in either her Long Island or Manhattan office. For more information, please call 516-444-2861. Mention this article and receive a Fall discount.

Is going to a strip club the same as cheating on your partner?

Is looking at strippers the same as cheating?

Dear MTN,

I really need your advice about my boyfriend. We've been together for five years and we've never cheated on each other yet. John knows that is the one thing that I would never get over and I trust him completely. However his sister is getting married and the groom wants his bachelor party to be in Atlantic City at a strip club. I told him that I feel that going to a strip club is the same as cheating.

He promises he would never be with any of the strippers and said that he has to go since it's his sister's finance and his family would be mad at him if he didn't go. What kind of family does this? I told him if he goes I'm breaking up with him. 

He thinks I'm totally crazy and going overboard with this decision, but I really don't think it's appropriate if he goes. How do I convince him not to go? Thanks for your help, and I love your column. 

 - Marissa

Dear Marissa,

I too do not like strip clubs and would be very unhappy if I were in your situation. However this is how you feel and your boyfriend should be considerate of your feelings. I am sure if you both take time and discuss this situation that a reasonable compromise can be made.

Also before you get really upset over this make sure it really is going to happen. I've heard of many guys saying they want a bachelor party with strippers and in the end, because of all the girlfriends and wives of the guys attending, that it never actually happens. So don't go breaking up over something that you aren't sure of. I would also suggest talking with his sister and see how she feels about the idea. She might not even know and once she finds out might cancel the plans for him. Good luck to you.

P.S. Guys getting married...don't plan a strip club for your bachelor party, it causes so many problems for the guys that you are inviting!

For more information on Maureen Tara Nelson’s Matchmaking program, please check out her website at mtnmatchmaking.com.

Call 516-444-2861 to schedule a free consultation in either their Long Island or Manhattan locations. Mention this column and receive a summer discount. Maureen Tara Nelson has been successfully Matchmaking for over 12 years with over 1000 success stories.

Can long distance relationships work?

Welcome my single readers

Summer Specials are soon ending on 8/30/12 for Maureen Tara Nelson Private Matchmaking.  If you are single and looking for a committed relationship, call soon for your complimentary interview and meet with Maureen Tara Nelson personally.

Dear MTN,

Recently I went on vacation, went to a concert, and hit it off with one of the guys who was in the band. We hooked up twice and we almost had sex. He comes to the NY area fairly often so although I would not see him as often as I might like I would be able to see him when he played here or on weekends when he was not on tour. I did feel a great connection with him, and I do not even have to lie about liking his music, however my concern is the constant distance as well as the fact that he is a musician and actor that meets girls in every city his band plays in. I do not want to be just another groupie. Is this a relationship worth pursuing? Thank you for all your help as always. - Nicole

Dear Nicole,

You will need a lot of confidence to date a guy that is in a band and travels a lot. Since you have only gone out with him twice, I would suggest giving him a chance and seeing down the road if he is looking for a committed relationship. Although I am not a fan of long distance relationships, since he is in NY often, I think it's worth pursuing. I have a feeling you will find out very soon if he is right for you or not. I wish you the best of luck with him. Dating a guy in a band is very exciting, good luck! - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO SEND IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

For more information on Maureen Tara Nelson’s Private Matchmaking program, please check out her website at mtnmatchmaking.com. Call 516-444-2861 to schedule a free consultation in either their Long Island or Manhattan locations. Mention this column and receive a fantastic summer discount. Maureen Tara Nelson has been successfully Matchmaking for over 12 years with over 1000 success stories. She is also the only matchmaker that shows her clien’ts photos, therefore there is no blind dating in her program. If you are single, emotionally and financially stable, and looking for a committed relationship/marriage, give Maureen Tara Nelson a call.