My man, his money and his children from another marriage

How my man handles his money...

Dear MTN,

I have been dating a man for five years now. He lives with me and I do love him. The problem is how he deals with his children from his previous marriage. His daughter started college in September and he was obligated to pay half of her tuition in his divorce agreement. He gave me a million excuses for why he wouldn't pay for it, and now he has to go to court for not paying. Now he has to pay for an attorney and that will probably cost more than if he would have just paid for half of the college bill.

My own ex-husband paid for all three of my children, and one of my kids won't even speak to my ex-husband. When I mentioned this to my boyfriend he got very angry. He told me basically that it isn't any of my business. I do not like confrontation, and other than this issue with his kids, he is a good man. I do not know if I should take the risk of losing him over this.

Do you have any advice for me. I love your column and love the way you say it like it is...

- D.

Dear D,

I understand your not liking confrontation, but staying quiet when you see your loved one making a huge mistake is another thing.

You know in your heart, regardless of the situation, your boyfriend should be paying for half of his child's education since it is in his divorce agreement. The fact you realize that he would rather spend more money in attorney fees than in doing the right thing says a lot about him. I wouldn't call that being a good father.

I suggest you not be afraid of losing him and speak your mind. The outcome is inevitable since the truth about him will eventually come out. Go with your heart and brain with your discussion. Tell him how you feel and do not be afraid of what you hear. If you find out that he isn't as good a man as you thought, then you are lucky to have found it out now, sooner than later. It sounds to me like you are afraid of finding out that he isn't as good a man as you want to believe him to be.

The problem is simple...he should be paying for half of his daughter's education.
Good luck to you.
- MTN

Never been kissed, dealing with itimacy issues in relationships

Why doesn't my girlfriend like kissing? (Photo: mywapking.co.in)

Dear MTN,

I have a weird problem. I met this very pretty girl some months back and we've been together almost every night of the week, since we've met. She always will stay at my house. Sex is great so I should have nothing to complain about, except for the fact that she won't ever kiss me. I asked her the first time she asked me not to kiss her why, but she just said she doesn't like it.

I like kissing and I think the sex would be even better if we kissed. It's almost like she's the guy in this relationship. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends about this. Is this a usual thing that people aren't into kissing anymore? Do you think she has a dark side and some bad reason she doesn't want to be kissed? Or do you think I am making too much of this and I should just deal with it.

Thanks for your help - Bryan

Dear Bryan,

I have been hearing this a lot lately, but unfortunately I do not know what it means. The few people that have written to me just have said that they do not like the intimacy part of kissing. I would not be concerned yet, since it's only been a few months, but I would keep my eyes open to make sure she doesn't have any intimacy issues.

After six months of dating, if she still doesn't feel comfortable kissing you, I would talk about it more with her. Kissing should be a healthy part of your sex life, especially since you enjoy it so much.

Good luck and please keep me posted. I would like to see how this works out for you. - MTN

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" getting out before you get hurt

Once a cheater always a cheater

Dear MTN,

I really need your help before my boyfriend returns from his trip. If you could please select my email and answer it this week I would really appreciate it. Everyone is giving me advice and it's all different advice, and I feel like my head is going to pop. I thought it made more sense, to ask you for your advice!

I was dating a guy for about six months. He didn't have a job, but he was responsible enough to have money saved up, so I didn't care. Then he got a job with a cruise ship and left two weeks ago. We discussed that we would not cheat on each other, so I was fine with him going away. My friends all told me to break up with him, and none of them like him.

He told me last week he met an older woman on the cruise and that they are soul mates. He apologized and told me he never wanted to hurt me. I was devastated.

He called me last night and told me that it didn't work out with her and that when he returns, he wants to get back with me. I told him no right away, but he insists that this was a good thing for our relationship, because he now is sure that we were meant to be. He said when he returns he wants to prove his love for me and talk about getting engaged.

My head is spinning from his emotional ups and downs. The biggest problem I have is that he loves his new job and will be away a lot. Now I am afraid that every time he is away that he will find another woman. He said that would never happen since we will be engaged, and not just dating. I don't know what to think, but please tell me your advice. Thanks, - Sandy

Dear Sandy,

There are some men that just can't be alone. Your ex-boyfriend sounds like one of them. Remember, you were only dating him for six months, which is not a lot of time to get to know the true personality of a person. Then on his first trip away from you, after already discussing you would not cheat on each other, he "found his soul mate."

What probably happened was the trip was ending and the older woman knew this wasn't going to be a lasting relationship and dumped him. Now he is going to do his best in trying to get you back.

However, he already hurt you and broke the bond between you both. I agree with you that every time he goes away, you will probably wonder if he is looking for someone else. Just because you are engaged and you will be wearing an engagement ring, he will not be, so what difference does that make? He has already proved that he has cheated once.

He doesn't sound very stable to me, and I would suggest you find a more stable guy in a different line of work than he is in. "Once a cheater, always a cheater," is a line I remember my mom always saying!

Best of luck to you and stay strong. There are plenty of guys out there and they do not cheat! If you are looking for a committed relationship, remember all the great guys in my program are looking for the same. Come in and meet with me if and when you are ready. - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO WRITE IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.

Finding your match, a happy ending for two readers who found love

Couple holding hands

Dear MTN,

It's Kevin. We met a little over six months ago. You told me immediately that you would never forget me since I have your brother's name. You matched me up FIRST with Kathy. You told her you wouldn't forget her name since you have a sister in law named Kathy. We were both readers of your column and Kathy even had written in to you once back a year ago. You gave her such great advice, she came in and joined with you.

My lovely fiance Kathy had to kiss some frogs before meeting me, she said. But she said you told her never to give up because you never know when the right one would come along. She took your advice and said your positive attitude made her stay positive. Then six months ago we had our first date. I thought I was in heaven. She called you for another match.

You told her how wonderful I was and that she needed to give me a second chance. I had been divorced shortly before and really wasn't at my best confidence wise. You built up my confidence once you met me. Everything you told me that day helped me be the man I am now.

Thank God Kathy took your advice and our second date was lovely. Each one got better than the next. We've been together, almost every day for the past six months and I asked her last week to marry me! We wouldn't have found each other without you! Even more important, if you didn't guide us both during our journey, we wouldn't be engaged right now. We would have just had one date. I don't know how to thank you, other than to tell everyone reading that you truly are a gem.

You are an amazing lady Maureen. Nothing gets you down. I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through in June, but very happy to hear how quickly you bounced back. It truly is amazing. God bless you and I hope all the Irish folks come in to see you like we did.

Kathy says hi, thank you, and that she trusted you from the day you met. The only thing she wants to know is if you really have a sister in law Kathy, ha ha...

All singles, call this lady. She knows her stuff, and she cares about you too! What else can you want from anyone? Call her! Thanks again, we'll hopefully see you at our wedding. - Kevin.

Dear Kevin,

I am so thrilled to death to hear this exciting news! You both are a beautiful couple. I probably didn't mention it to you then, but I wrote down Kathy's name on your profile when you came in. You both said so many of the same things to me, it was magical.

Yes, I have a brother Kevin, and yes, a sister in law named Kathi. I never say anything I don't mean from the heart. But it is funny that I said the same thing to you both...ha ha.

Best of luck in love and happiness. Thank you for writing in this beautiful letter to my column. This is exactly why I am a matchmaker. This fantastic feeling will be with me always! Even though I stopped counting my success stories after reaching 1000, everyone is special to me!

With Love, Maureen

Before I try matchmaking where can I look for Mrs Right?

Waiting for Misses right? Where is she?

 Dear MTN,

You got my cousin married a few years back and I am new to New York and thinking I might give you a try. But before I come in and meet you, could you please give me some pointers of finding someone on my own first?

I am thinking, this is a great way to see if you are all just about the money and will tell me to slack off and that I must come in to see you, or if you are real, like my cousin says and will try to help me first without me paying you first a dime. I thought about asking you out, but my cousin said he tried that when you met, and you told him you don't date your clients, and that the girls you have in your program are all nice and very pretty. His wife is beautiful, so I know you did a good job on them.

I am a good looking, successful guy in my early forties looking to get married and hopefully have kids one day. I don't want to find a girl drinking in a bar. I don't like the lies on the internet dating sites. I own a home and own my own business. I don't drink too much, don't gamble, and don't cheat on my ladies.

So what do you think?
- John
Dear John,

First of all who is your cousin? Give him a shout out "hello" from me...

Yes, you are doing the right thing in writing in my singles column for advice. This is the whole purpose of singles writing to me. I am happy to help you as I have been happy to help the singles that I've helped over the years.

You sound like a great catch with the basics, but I wish you would have told me a little bit about your personality. If you are more outgoing or more shy. Those would have helped me, however I will do my best!

In fact, I always recommend to singles every time I give a lecture on dating that you should try finding someone on your own first, to see if you will be successful, but only give it six months. If looking on your own takes more than six months, then it is safe to say that you are just too busy, or there are not enough singles in your circle etc. Of course, it has nothing to do with you! It has to do with time and exposure!

1. Think of a hobby you have and have always said you were too busy to do. For example, learning how to cook, or playing volleyball etc. And join a club that is for that hobby. All the females in that room, if they are single, already have something in common with you!

2. Tell everyone in your circle, work, family and friends, that you are done with being single and do they know of anyone single that might be a good fit for you? (Meeting through friends, is usually the second best way to meeting someone, behind using my service.)

3. Everywhere you go, and go out and get yourself out there...and any attractive girl, first smile at her and see her response. If she is married, she should look away. If she smiles back, then approach her. Tell her you find her attractive. See her reaction. Then ask her if she is single. Of course you need to be prepared for the "danger factor here" especially for us all in New York. But most girls are savvy enough to do a "Google search" on you anyway before they meet you. If she is receptive, ask her out!

Try those John and I wish you the best of luck.

Again, if it takes more than six months, then call me. I have 1200 clients that I'm sure would love to meet you! - MTN

Moving in together, getting milk with the cow was for free?

Bringing the relationship to the next level
...living together

Dear MTN,

I need a very basic answer to a modern day question and you are probably the only person my girlfriend will trust with this problem we are having.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years. She is a lovely woman and I want to take the next step with her. I have been talking about this subject for the past six months with her and last weekend was her 35th birthday. I gave a card which said perfectly how much I feel about her and I wrote in the card that I wanted her to move in with me. I thought she would be thrilled. Instead, she threw it in my face and yelled something about getting milk when a cow was for free, and stormed out. She won't take my calls.

I really thought she would be excited about taking our relationship to the next level and moving in with me. The only thing I can think of is that I didn't actually get her a present, because I figured if she is going to move in, I'll be buying a lot of furniture for her to help make my home feel like hers. But now, she won't even listen to my explanation.

I know she reads your column every week and I hope you can help her understand that I love her and want her in my life. One day in the future, if living together goes well, I would like to marry her and have children with this woman. Please help.

Thanks,
 Patty

Dear Patty,

I understand you love your girl and that is great! Great for you. What about her needs? Did you ever talk to her in the talks you have had the past six months about how she felt moving in together before marriage, or more importantly, how she would feel about living together without being engaged first?

About the cow, she is implying to you that why would she move in with you without a commitment on your end, because if she just moves in without first getting engaged, for example, you are "getting the milk for free, so why ever buy the cow." Ask your friends what that means it is a very common saying in the U.S.

Now if you truly love her, why do you need to cover yourself first with the buffer of only moving in first to "see if it goes well before getting engaged and married?" I am sure she is feeling, if this is true love on your part, you should know that nothing could break your bond of love and that getting engaged now and moving in together would be the best next step.

Think about her needs for a moment. She probably thought with all your talk lately on the subject that you were going to give her an engagement ring for her birthday after dating for three years. Instead, you gave her a card and said let's just move in together. What does she get out of that.

If that makes sense to you, then you have hope of getting her back. If you know you love her and you both can get through all the ups and downs of a relationship, then get the ring and go over to her and propose! I am sure at that point, she will be happy to move in together at that point. Good luck to you! Keep me posted. – MTN

Sleep talking lands loyal boyfriend in deep water with furious girlfriend

I said my ex girlfriend's name in my sleep! Help!
(Photo: valleysleepcenter.com)

Dear MTN,

I really need help from you and I need it fast. Last night I was making it with my girl and we both fell asleep after. She woke me up screaming at me that I'm a cheating loser since apparently in my sleep I said the name of my ex girlfriend. I swear to you Maureen, I did not cheat with my ex. It was just a dream, and I don't even remember having the dream.

I talk in my sleep all the time and every girlfriend I've had has brought it up to me. It has never caused a problem like it did tonight. My ex girlfriends always thought it was funny and would laugh at me about it. Never did they react or accuse me of something like this.

I think she is totally over reacting since she kicked me out of her apartment and it was 2am. There was no reason for that. I told her I didn't remember having any dream of my ex, but that wasn't good enough for her. I asked her if I could sleep downstairs on the couch and we could discuss this in the morning, but she would not have it. She kicked me to the curb.

If I didn't like her so much I'd be done with her for that behavior. My friends all like her and think she's hot. I'm 29 and this is the first girl that I've dated for over a year. Usually after a few months something happens and it just ends. This one I thought was a keeper until last night.

What do you suggest I do. Believe it or not, my friends are the ones that told me to write to you, since they know she reads and likes your column. So use my name. It's Tim.

Thanks Maureen.

 Dear Tim,

Wow this is a first for me. After helping singles for over 13 years I thought I heard it all, but this is the first. She kicks you out because in your sleep you mention the name of your ex, and you don't even recall saying her name or having a dream about her. Wow...

I have to admit, I talk in my sleep as well. Now you have me paranoid. Seriously, I think she is definitely over reacting. Think about it; you don't even have any proof that you did anything wrong.

You also handled the situation very well by suggesting that you sleep on the couch and talk about it in the morning. That should have been acceptable. To kick you out in the middle of the night for something that you did not do on purpose is really unfair to you.

The only thing I would like to ask is if there is any reason why she might be jealous of your ex girlfriend. For example, do you talk about her? Is she still in your life? Do you still have feelings for her? If all of those questions have yes responses, then perhaps she has a reason for her over reacting. However, If the answers are no, then you need to be honest with her that you feel she is being unfair to you since you didn't do anything wrong!

I always say, what is meant to be will be. So if she breaks up with you over this little thing, then she wasn't the right one for you in the first place. If this is how she reacts to someone small, can you imagine if you do actually make a mistake? Instead of it being a fight, a discussion and then making up, you my friend will be kicked out to the curb again, for good.

Good luck with her reaction. Thanks to your friends for having you write in. - MTN

PLEASE CONTINUE TO EMAIL IN YOUR QUESTIONS TO MTN AT mtnmatchmaking@aol.com.